Growing

Yes, an infant me unknown about my existence and I genuinely had the desire to perceive the procedure I was brought to this world. I wanted to know the reaction of everyone visiting me and I definitely wanted to differentiate their actions then and now. Their twinge or my twinge? I don't remember my half childhood, therefore, I believe memories of childhoods are the best rather than remembering the teen/adulthoods agony. Channels I've passed to reach my present are extensive and I often concentrate and try going back to my past days.

Growing up would be the worst penalization ever. I understand that's physically normal but emotionally a suction of my cheers. Maturity often is envying my childish activity which prefers it to go through the malady of self consciousness. Inwardly, my impulses notify me about the despairs and the wisdom of integrity and right alleys but obscure the stimulation drags me to the despondency even after the million reiterations. I am pro-founded with a great amount of creativity and diverse talents which is the only path to point or induce during the pessimism.

I frequently compelled myself to behave like adults, act like them and adopt their vices in my early age and today, reversing those memories I sense a tremendous regret and a sharp point to my impatient heart. Today, the same girl strongly wishes to push her feet backwards to the days of smiles and not tears. The day of sun and not moon. The day of opening is not reserved. The day of tears because of food not avoiding food because of tears.

My dense responsibilities rose with my age and My dense imagination flew with my age. My age's number feels like the ocean's waves are repeating every-time at a sudden speed. Feels like it was just yesterday I graduated from Montessori and was excited to be a first grader but look at the wave. It's the ninth time it flowed and I'm in ninth grade now.

Growing up is a great way of notifying yourself of the cheerful days as you did not value it so much when you were a child yourself. Growing up increases the capability of you to understand the place you live in. That makes you understand the procedure of regular activities. As an explorer, growing up was one of the hardest, adventurous and fun journeys ever. I realized that it was like experiencing different lifestyles. Gradually, I began understanding the purpose of my life and the reason I'm existing this time. I began understanding my faults, mistakes and starting realizing all of them. Growing up was just a tiny transformation but had millions of effects. It's stuff to adopt the new life but can be considered as a beautiful part of life.

Scientifically, growing is normal and somehow people growing makes the world sway its stick of the boat to your desired destination. That raises the maturity among people for harmony as well as makes you engaged in the profession of your talent. Science is often boring, but it encompasses the entire surroundings we exist in. Excluding science, I personally drag myself into the negatives of growing up and be slapped to compulsorily turn behind and not forward.

I could not express myself so much, I couldn't cry over minor or major things, all the pains were sucked by heart and my dear wet heart chose to dry it through eyes which often drops out tears personally.  I couldn't say anything my brain wants to, my lurching pushes my mom's scolding as an unpleasant argument. I don't really express myself through vocals; it's just my pen and paper acting as my tongue that no one will hear.

I often used to roll my mom's shawl over me as a wedding attire and today I feel like those moments are soon arriving. Not only this, I repeatedly imagined myself as an adult or a teenager and I am gradually experiencing everything I imagined and it feels so good going through something you've somehow planned in an immature age.

I am understanding how life is and why I am here. I am understanding how my dolls were formed and  why my puppy puppet was there. Not only physical things, I am noticing a tremendous transformation in my emotions and understanding why it occurs. I understand why I cry even though I did it repeatedly in my childhood for no reason, I still cry for no reason , there is a reason but my eyes exaggerate the condition and cries.

I experience the transmission of my body structure, size, height and everything. I was compelled to add a new routine per month as a dangerous nightmare which includes the provoking of emotions and physical pain.