My Only Faith: God

My breath faced no other exhales

Lonely in the four walls,

I inhaled my independence along

“Afno takdir ko bhag ho!” I believe

My husband left his soul after our togetherness of 30 years,

Other loved ones evaporated along with my tears

Nobody of my own, nobody of my known

This led me to live my cheers in this old age home

There are numerous other bitterness that is silent

Recalling them would throb my heartbeat whisking

Born in the lap of Christianity,

I had faith in god since my tiny hands opted for prayers

Getting old descending my loved ones

Gradually got me lonely apart,

Wandering with my sick body and tired soul

My trustable “Bhadaaa” spotted me to get with my faith,

My faith, my god in the church

My agonizing body paused me from walking

I stayed in front of my god

Prayed from sunrise to the next sunset

6 months passed by, and I felt like going away from what I have

But they directed me to hold up

Day by day, 21 years went by

My agonized body turned stronger to march around the village nearby

All thanks to god, who made me able-bodied to try

All thanks to god, who made me survive

All thanks to god, whom I most rely upon

All thanks to god, all thanks to god

It was his love, his care, and his grant

Nobody recognized the god when he survived,

See,

how cruel the world is, how inhuman the world is

How painful the world is and how sad the world is

God is affectionate to Bhajan, and the waves of music are a symbol of peace

I used to move the music and feel the beats

Express my heart and recall my dear god

I got grace from god within that time

But now, I face a darker side of the coin where I sway my trigger in this home

I do my best to disrupt every sin

Yet, what they said was living is encompassed by sin and blessing

My deeper inabilities brought me to this old age home

Privileged to eat with a choice

But this old age halts my tiny desires and happiness to eat

Nothing is palatable, nothing is an appetizer

I got no big needs,

Just a radish leaf and survival to eat

Peace is what I feel the most lacking,

Shouts and screams all over

How I wish I were never in this generation,

The difference between the sky and the ocean

I would rather love my previous generation

There is so much to say, there so much to express

This is how the world is, take me away with this pain